80s Movie Smack-Off (Part 6)

It's time to continue the 80s Movie Smack-Off (see parts 1-5 in previous posts for details on round 1 and round 2 match ups). Brackets 1 and 2 have already completed round 2 and the winners wait in the Sweet Sixteen. We'll complete round 2 for both Bracket 3 and Bracket 4 here to see what the Sweet Sixteen will look like overall. Let's review the movies and their respective seeds for Brackets 3 and 4:

Bracket 3 (B. A. Baracus Bracket)

1. Caddyshack
8. The Princess Bride

5. Ghostbusters
13. Amazon Women on the Moon

6. The Goonies
14. Bachelor Party

7. Trading Places
2. Weird Science

Bracket 4 (Rocky Dennis Bracket)

1. National Lampoon's Vacation
8. Beverly Hills Cop

5. Raising Arizona
4. Three Amigos!

6. Zapped!
3. Ferris Bueller's Day Off

10. UHF
2. Sixteen Candles

Round 2 Results: B. A. Baracus Bracket

The first match in this bracket is between Caddyshack and The Princess Bride. This isn't a bad match up, though each appeals to a different audience (and both to me). It's likely that many who love The Princess Bride are generally disgusted by Caddyshack because it is such a slob comedy, but those people don't realize all the glory that is Caddyshack. Caddyshack is just perfect because the storyline is so stupid (this statement is NOT contradictory). The story is almost non-existent. Except for the final money match between Dr. Beeper, Judge Smails, Ty Webb, and Al Czervik, there really isn't much of a plot, and the money match was just put in to have some sort of closure. No, Caddyshack is simply carried by its murderers row cast whose interactions provide the basis for its raison d’être. Princess Bride is a nice little flick that is charming and funny (and has great characters), but Caddyshack is a behemoth. It's too 80s, it's too funny, and it's about golf. Golf is better than sword fighting. Caddyshack over Princess Bride, 64-47.

The next match is between Ghostbusters and Amazon Women on the Moon. This is a closer match than the previous one. Each of these movies is classically funny, Ghostbusters being the obvious favorite and higher seed. There is an upset on the horizon though, because the under-the-radar Amazon Women on the Moon is the tits. That's right. It...is...the...tits. Amazon shifts gears all over the place, and is as funny as ANY movie of this era. Ghostbusters is great, and it's unfortunate that it ran into Amazon Women, but it loses this match. Amazon Women on the Moon is one of the most underrated comedies ever, and it takes out Ghostbuster's eye and shows it to it. Amazon Women on the Moon wins by 7 and goes to the Sweet Sixteen.

The 6/14 match is between The Goonies and Bachelor Party. This is a very tough match to call, because each movie is so different. The Goonies is a better quality movie; it has an original story and compelling plot twists. Bachelor Party is pretty self explanatory: it's a party with a bunch of scummy drunk assholes. Each are probably equally indicative of the 80s zeitgeist, with Bachelor Party being symbolic of 80s excess and The Goonies emblematic of 80s racial stereotypes and youthful optimism. The Goonies is not as much of a comedy, even though Mouth and his buddies do crack some jokes throughout the movie. Bachelor Party gets the squeaker victory here due to staying closer to the main theme of the Smack Off - it is a pure comedy. Plus, Bachelor Party features a dude who puts his cock in a hot dog bun. 'Nuff said. Bachelor Party 54, The Goonies 51.

The next match up is between 7 seed Trading Places and 2 seed Weird Science. This has to be the closest match in this round since Better Off Dead vs. Back to School. Both Trading Places and Weird Science are completely awesome, and it will be tough to declare a winner. Trading Places is a better "movie" than Weird Science; it has a solid storyline which translates to any era. The rich vs. poor element is well done, exposing the hypocrisies of each very well. Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd are the perfect tandem, and they are at the top of their game. Weird Science epitomizes 80s teenage life: the mall, chicks, and house parties. Weird Science doesn't have nearly the sophistication as Trading Places, but it has all those intangibles that make 80s movies great. If one were to ask you, what are some of the best movies of the 80s, the chances are Weird Science would be on your tongue before Trading Places. Weird Science invokes more memories of the era, and is much more nostalgic. Weird Science also has a hotter chick (though Kristin Holby as Penelope in Trading Places is really hot as a secondary character - go back and check it out!). As tough as this match is, Weird Science gets the win by 1 in overtime, mostly because of its pure 80s characters, timeless humor, and typical "guy gets girl" theme.

Round 2 Results: Rocky Dennis Bracket

The first match in Bracket 4 is 1 seed Vacation vs. 8 seed Beverly Hills Cop. One movie for white people and one for the African Americans. Heh heh. Not exactly, but these movies are pretty different from one another. Vacation is a perfect motif of middle class life in 80s suburbia, and Beverly Hills Cop provides a venue for Eddie Murphy to be his usual 80s hilarious self. Murphy is absolutely awesome in Bev Cop, and as mentioned in the early round the younger generation probably doesn't realize how big a star he was. Vacation is a better movie overall, as the plot of Beverly Hills Cop is sort of lame. Most can identify better with Vacation (at least those who ever drove in a car with their family). Vacation gets the win here; it is just better from start to finish and doesn't suffer from the typical "OK were 110 minutes into the movie and now the laughs are over and we need to wrap up the story" issues as do many comedies (including Beverly Hills Cop). If you doubt the result of this match, I have one name for you: Cousin Eddie. Vacation wins by 9.

The next match is between Raising Arizona and Three Amigos!, two favorites of the era. Each is much sillier and light-hearted than many comedies in the Smack-Off, and each is super funny from start to finish (there is a bit of seriousness in each toward the very end, but that's OK). One might think that these movies are really close in terms of their quality, but they really aren't with careful consideration. Let's end the suspense: Raising Arizona is far superior to Three Amigos!. It just is. The dialogue and writing in Raising Arizona is masterful; Three Amigos! is just one of the many great 80s comedies. Raising Arizona is great for the reason that all Cohen brothers movies are great: its original, has an unreal script, and makes you see the world in a different way. Raising Arizona is absolutely perfect. The only way it will lose in the Smack-Off is if it runs into a movie that is as funny, is more indicative of the era, and somehow is a more significant nostalgia piece. That's a tall order, but guess what? The Smack-Off is filled with such movies, so we shall see...Raising Arizona 73, Three Amigos! 61.

The next match is between 6 seed Zapped! and 3 seed Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Scott Baio vs. Matthew Broderick. Unfortunately, this match is not nearly as compelling as the previous one. Zapped! has some great moments, which mostly appeal to guys (c'mon, how many girls really enjoy seeing shirts flying open to expose tits?). Ferris is one of the seminal 80s comedies though. It is one of John Hughes' best efforts, even considering the legion of great films he directed in the 80s. Ferris is still a part of Americana. Ben Stein's "Bueller?...Bueller?..." during roll call is entrenched in everyone's memories. No one remembers any lines from Zapped!. Regardless of memorable lines, Ferris is just a better movie from start to finish. It does get a little weird during Cameron's meltdown (I was never really sure what that was all about), and thus has some pretty dark moments. But, Ferris Bueller's Day Off represents what we all want, a perfect day away from the drudgery of our lives, and is still as fun to watch today as it was in the 80s. Ferris Bueller wraps up this game early in the second half and beats Zapped! by 25.

The last match of round 2 is between UHF and Sixteen Candles. One was very popular (Sixteen Candles), one very obscure (UHF). UHF is another of those movies that only has a cult following, and it isn't just because people haven't seen it. UHF is similar to Amazon Women on the Moon or Hollywood Shuffle, and features marginal acting with funny skits. The problem is, many people don't like that sort of thing. So, UHF is a tough sell to a general audience, but that doesn't mean it isn't great for those who appreciate it. Weird Al is funny, and Fran Drescher and Victoria Jackson are in it too. Sixteen Candles is another John Hughes masterpiece, and perhaps the most charming of all his movies. Sixteen Candles somehow rides the line between being a silly romp and a romantic drama. It does both very well, and most everyone who was a child of the 80s loves this movie. They should; it is one of the Snoutbagger's all time faves. Sixteen Candles is North Carolina; UHF is North Carolina State. Guess what that means? Yup, Sixteen Candles moves on the Sweet Sixteen.

That completes round 2! Caddyshack, Amazon Women on the Moon, Bachelor Party, Weird Science, Vacation, Raising Arizona, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and Sixteen Candles join Brackets 1 and 2 winners in the Sweet Sixteen. Check the bracket to the right to review the entire tournament standings to this point, and check back on April 5 to see how round 3 breaks down.