The first match of round 2 is between 1 seed
Revenge of the Nerds and 9 seed
Can't Buy Me Love. At this point we're going to see some great movies taking a fall, as this match will show. In addition to
Nerds' strong points listed in round 1, we also should remember that
Nerds featured Playboy Playmates. Oh, wait, that criterion won't do us much good because
Can't Buy Me Love features Playmates too. Yep, Lisa Welch was in
Nerds and Devin Devasquez was in
Can't Buy Me Love. Some of you smarties might remember that
Can't Buy Me Love features a young Gerardo of
Rico Suave fame. He's actually pretty cool in the movie. Moving on, both these movies are great for different reasons;
Nerds has more hilarious moments,
Can't Buy Me Love gives hope to high school dorks everywhere. I am convinced that the strategy Ronald Miller employs to get Cindy Mancini would work in most cases. Women, more than men, use social comparisons when choosing mates; if a girl thinks that other girls think you are good looking, you'll have a fine shot at bagging her...maybe even
snoutbagging her (heh heh). That's why for guys the more girls you are with the easier it is to get more girls. It's the one counter-intuitive truth dudes with no game don't understand. Now that you know how the game works, we can leave
Can't Buy Me Love behind.
Revenge of the Nerds gets the squeaker win here, which pains the Snoutbagger because
Can't By Me Love is one of his all time favorites, but the most unbiased judgment has
Nerds as the better movie. It's more 80s, it's funnier, and the
Adams Atoms move on to the Sweet Sixteen.
This match up between #5
Better Off Dead and #4
Back to School must be the most difficult of all pairings in round 2. Can we just have each movie move on? We'll, they deserve to, but they can't. The winner of this match by a point in six overtimes is...(Hey, it's possible - Syracuse and UConn had six in last year's Big East tournament!)...
Better Off Dead! Some of you just spit up on the computer screen, I know. I feel like a student in Professor Turguson's (Sam Kinison) history class after saying something stupid: "Well...I didn't know you wanted to get involved in the discussion Mr. helper!" How can
Back to School only win one game in the
Smack-Off? By meeting
Better Off Dead in round 2, that's how. While
Back to School is as watchable today as it was twenty five years ago, even the triple lindy isn't enough to beat
Better Off Dead. There is just so much in
Better Off Dead that is awesome. Charles DeMarr (Booger from Nerds) is great as the small town drug addict always looking for better doobage, and Roy Stalin (Aaron Dozier)? He's on the same level as Stan Gable from
Revenge of the Nerds in terms of raw awesomeness. How about Lane Myers' boss, the Pig Burger dude? How hot was Chris Cummins (Tina Littlewood) when Lane slipped and ripped her clothes off?
Back to School is great, and is probably Rodney Dangerfield's best starring role (I love how he hands out money to everyone in his movies), but
Better Off Dead is the pinnacle of an 80s comedy. The remaining field should beware; beating it will be next to impossible. As painful as it is to see
Back to School head back to school,
Better off Dead moves on to round 3.
The next match is
Police Academy vs.
Stripes, two heavy hitting seminal 80s comedies. Let's consider how awesome the characters in both were. In
Police Academy, George Gaynes takes time off from being
Punky Brewster's dad to play Commadant Lassard, and he has "many, many, many" fine moments, including receiving a blow job while giving a speech at a podium. David Graf is awesome as Tackleberry, and Donovan Scott is great as Leslie Barber. There are more examples, but these secondary characters are hilarious.
Stripes has great secondary characters too, including Conrad Dunn as Psycho and John Candy as Ox. It's a push as to who is better in the lead role, Steve Guttenburg or Bill Murray (most would probably say Murray, but I don't see a huge difference between the two in these movies). While both are solid representatives from the era,
Police Academy gets the win 83-76.
Police Academy's depth of characters goes deeper, and it just edges out
Stripes.
Two Tom Hanks movies round out the Haim/Feldman bracket.
The 'Burbs (#10) is sillier than
The Money Pit (#2) and tries harder to be funny, but
The Money Pit is just great because of all the shit that keeps going wrong with the house. Hanks is equally good in both.
The 'Burbs has a better cast of cool characters, even considering the unreal scuminess of maestro Max Beissart (Alexander Gudunov) in
The Money Pit. The creepy neighbors in
The 'Burbs are classically weird, and
The 'Burbs is just fun to watch. One disturbing thing about
The Money Pit regards the part where Anna (Shelley Long) thinks she fucked Max when she was blacked out drunk. She didn't, Max just let her believe it was so for awhile. What always disturbed me was the fact that Anna didn't
doubt that she fucked Max. Uh, yikes. That might be troublesome for me if she were my wife! Whore or no whore,
Money Pit gets the edge here, because it is a higher quality movie overall.
Money Pit wins by 10.
Round 2 Results: Gag Me with a Spoon Bracket
The first match in Bracket 2 is between
Fletch and
Robocop. This is closer than most would assume.
Fletch is a much more obvious choice because it was a bit more popular and featured a star from the era.
Robocop however has so many subtle moments it can't be beaten easily. How about when Clarence Boddicker (Kurtwood Smith) says "Bitches leave" when he enters Bob Morton's house? Bob exclaiming that "God I love intelligent women" while snorting coke off a chick's tits is classic too. And how about Boddiker's cast of cronies? They are priceless.
Robocop is really underrated and is fantastic from start to finish. But...
Fletch is
Fletch. Chevy Chase asking if he can borrow Gail's (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) towel because his car just hit a water buffalo is awesome. How about Chase as Mr. Poone: "God I admire you...".
Fletch is great because it works on two levels: a silly ridiculous comedy and a pretty good story as well. The story in Fletch is not distracting at all, and Chevy Chase's antics somehow mesh seamlessly. Even though
Robocop makes a late run,
Fletch shoots 58% from the field and secures the win in a slow-down, clock managed game, 57-53.
The next match up is between underdog 12 and 13 seeds
Hollywood Shuffle and
Summer School. Both are relatively low budget niche pieces, charming, and highly reflective of the era. Both are equally funny;
Hollywood Shuffle is more original. There is something about
Summer School that is great though. It is far better than the sum of its parts. The acting is mostly shitty, the characters are awkward at times, and the plot isn't any better than your average after school special. But,
Summer School keeps me coming back again and again. It's just great how scummy Freddy Shoop is in the midst of all of it. His relationship with Vice Principal Gills (Robin Thomas) is awesome, and
Summer School never runs out of steam. It is funny throughout.
Hollywood Shuffle suffers the upset here while
Summer School runs the weave offense throughout the game. Baffled and confused,
Hollywood Shuffle loses 47-43.
Teen Wolf should enjoy its first round win, because there is no suspense here, and absolutely no upset.
Airplane! is to
Teen Wolf what
Barney's department store is to
Wal-Mart.
Teen Wolf is great, and uber-indicative of 1980s pop culture, but
Airplane! is simply one of the best comedies of the past 50 years. This match is a slaughter, and not much more needs to be said. Cinderella's slipper shatters and
Teen Wolf loses by 54 points.
Airplane! to the Sweet Sixteen.
The last match of Bracket 2 is between 7 seed
Spaceballs and 2 seed
The Naked Gun. This match is closer than the last by far, and each movie has many memorable scenes which aid in their defense. The characters in
Spaceballs are really good, but the fact that it is a parody of another movie knocks it down a bit in terms of originality.
The Naked Gun is carried by Leslie Nielson, even though Ed Hocken (George Kennedy) is great as his side kick. Ricardo Montalban (Vincent Ludwig) is fantastic to, and Priscilla Presley actually shows some comic ability (she's pretty hot too). I love the line Ed gives to Frank in the beginning of the movie concerning Frank's woman who recently left him. Frank asks Ed if he knows anything about her new boyfriend and Ed replies, "Not much - just that he's an Olympic gymnast and its the best sex she's ever had." So great.
Spaceballs is very funny in the classic Mel Brooks style, but
Naked Gun soars above it overall.
Naked Gun is just too damn funny, and it never, ever ever ever gets old. I've seen it dozens of times and I hope to see it a dozen more.
Naked Gun beats
Spaceballs 63-52 and moves on to round 3.
Alright, round 2 is completed for Brackets 1 and 2.
Revenge of the Nerds, Better Off Dead, Police Academy, The Money Pit, Fletch, Summer School, Airplane!, and
The Naked Gun are all in the Sweet Sixteen. The competition is amping up and getting fierce. Great movies have already fallen, and more will fall next week as we run through Brackets 3 and 4 to complete round 2. Check back on March 29 to see how movies in the
B.A. Baracus and
Rocky Dennis brackets fare.
