Worst Date Movies

Bad Lieutenant

Gummo

Dangerous Game

Barfly

The following movies are without a doubt questionable choices for you and your lady on a date...

Deliverance

In The Company Of Men

Bully

Blue Velvet

Boys Don't Cry

The Ice Storm

Kids

Happiness

Man Bites Dog

Leaving Las Vegas

Spanking The Monkey

Requiem For A Dream

Taxi Driver

80s Movie Smack-Off (Part 10: Championship)

It's time for round 6 of the 80s Movie Smack-Off, the Championship! See parts 1-9 in previous posts for details on rounds 1-5. The winner of this round is the Smack-Off Champion. Let's examine the competitors and their respective seeds for the final match:

The Championship:

3. Airplane!
1. Caddyshack

Round 6 Result:

Here we go. Airplane! vs. Caddyshack to determine the best 80s comedy movie and complete the 80s Movie Smack-Off. Both movies have been reviewed thoroughly to this point, so let's skip to the chase: which one is the better movie? While it is VERY close, Caddyshack gets the win and takes the title. Airplane! is not far behind Caddyshack, being similar to it in many ways due to its star studded cast. But, if one looks at each facet within each movie, one sees that the comedic talent in Caddyshack is actually far superior to that in Airplane!. Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, and Bill Murray are far funnier comedic actors than Robert Stack, Peter Graves, and Lloyd Bridges (though Leslie Nielson is on par with those in Caddyshack). Airplane! and Caddyshack are both unique in that the supporting cast carries the comic load rather than the main character (think about it: the main character in both Caddyshack (Danny Noonan) and Airplane! (Ted Striker) are really just straight men for the high jinks provided by supporting cast members). Even considering both movies' similarities, Caddyshack gets the win over Airplane! 65-59 and is named the best 80s comedy movie.

80s Movie Smack-Off Champion: Caddyshack

That completes the 80s Movie Smack-Off. Congratulations to Caddyshack, the last remaining movie and the one that can claim its rightful place as the best comedy to emerge from the 1980s! Check the bracket to the right for a final breakdown of the entire tournament.

80s Movie Smack-Off (Part 9: Final Four)

It's time for round 5 of the 80s Movie Smack-Off, the Final Four! See parts 1-8 in previous posts for details on rounds 1-4. The two winners of this round go to the Smack-Off Championship. Let's examine the remaining teams, their respective seeds, and the two match ups.

The Final Four:

5. Better Off Dead
3. Airplane!

1. Caddyshack
2. Sixteen Candles

Round 5 Results:

The first match in the Final Four is Better Off Dead vs. Airplane!. One is a seminal favorite that everyone has seen (Airplane!), the other is a bit more obscure but still relatively popular (Better Off Dead). Better Off Dead is undeniably the dark horse of the Smack-Off, as it beat some very tough competition along the way to the Final Four. However, its Cinderella story ends here: it doesn't quite have the firepower to beat the Airplane! juggernaut. Airplane! just has too much variety, and too great a cast. The final nail in Better Off Dead's coffin comes via the two jive dudes in Airplane!: "Hey... knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in', man!" Too perfect. Better Off Dead is easily one of the best 80s movies, and it did not just sneak into the Final Four. On a good day it might beat Airplane!, but nine games out of ten it would lose. Airplane! wins 74-66 and moves on to the Smack-Off Championship.

The second match in the Final Four is between top seeded Caddyshack and 2 seed Sixteen Candles. These are two different movies stylistically, but both are of course extremely funny. Few would be surprised that Caddyshack has come this far; Sixteen Candles' success is perhaps a bit of a shock. Sixteen Candles is by far the superior movie when considering all cinematic dimensions, but Caddyshack is just so great at what it does. The cast just plays off each other perfectly. For these reasons Caddyshack gets the win. Caddyshack is almost a genre in itself - it just rises above its competitors. Even considering that Caddyshack has a niche plot (i.e. golf) which many might not identify with, everyone can appreciate its shenanigans. Sixteen Candles made a great run to get this far, but Caddyshack secures the win by beating its foe 67-55. Caddyshack to the Smack-Off Championship.

Alright, this is it...we've narrowed the field of 64 down to two movies: Airplane! and Caddyshack. Check back soon for round 6 of the Smack-Off for the final entry: the Championship.

80s Movie Smack-Off (Part 8: Elite Eight)

It's time for round 4 of the 80s Movie Smack-Off, the Elite Eight! See parts 1-7 in previous posts for details on rounds 1-3. We'll complete all of round 4 here. The winners of round 4 go to the Final Four. Here's the eight remaining teams and their respective match ups and seeds.

Bracket 1 (Haim/Feldman Bracket)

5. Better Off Dead
6. Police Academy

Bracket 2 (Gag Me with a Spoon Bracket)

1. Fletch
3. Airplane!

Bracket 3 (B. A. Baracus Bracket)

1. Caddyshack
2. Weird Science

Bracket 4 (Rocky Dennis Bracket)

1. National Lampoon's Vacation
2. Sixteen Candles

Round 4 Results:

The final match of the Haim/Feldman Bracket features two underdog movies, 5 seed Better Off Dead and 6 seed Police Academy. Each are worthy opponents. Better Off Dead is this tournament's dark horse. It is doubtful that many would have seen it coming this far. Police Academy was a big hit in the theaters, so its success to this point is not as surprising. While Police Academy is one of the best 80s comedies, Better Off Dead simply encompasses everything about the 80s into one movie. It's a guy gets girl story, it has all the dumb shenanigans that Weird Science or Sixteen Candles has, and it has a great cast of characters, all of whom mesh seamlessly together. Because of this, Better Off Dead beats Police Academy 65-61. Believe it or not, Better Off Dead is going to the Final Four.

The last match in the Gag Me with a Spoon Bracket is between Fletch and Airplane!. These movies are seminal examples of the 80s, and each is extremely funny. They're not in the Elite Eight for nothing. Chevy Chase in Fletch is fantastic. But Airplane! features Lloyd Bridges, Robert Stack, Peter Graves, and Leslie Nielson. What a coincidence that both movies have Kareem Abdul Jabbar! Airplane! wins this match in double overtime, because of its variety of actors and sketches that provide a bit more of a complete palate than does Fletch. Fletch is better as a serious movie than Airplane!, as it has a pretty good plot that doesn't distract from the comedy. But, the Smack-Off seeks the best 80s comedy, and Airplane! just has a bit more of what we expect. Fletch is the second #1 seed to fall in the Smack-Off: Airplane! wins this bracket and moves on to the Final Four.

The final match in the B. A. Baracus Bracket is between Caddyshack and Weird Science. Both these are heavy hitters, as their seeding implies (#1 vs. #2). It's no surprise that these movies meet here, as each is extremely funny. Weird Science is much more indicative of the 80s lifestyle than is Caddyshack. This is because Caddyshack was released in 1980, and is really more a reflection of America in the seventies. But, it is an 80s movie by definition. Caddyshack might be the single most recognizable movie for men between the ages of 25 and 45. Every dude loves Caddyshack. Weird Science, though awesome in every respect, really only enjoys a cult following at this point in time. That's strange, since Weird Science was bigger at the time of its release than was Caddyshack. Each of these movies is a worthy contender for the Final Four, but Caddyshack gets the win. Its stellar cast is too strong, and its reputation as one of the best comedies ever simply launches it past Weird Science. Sorry John Hughes, you don't win this round. Caddyshack to round 5.

The final match in the Elite Eight is between Vacation and Sixteen Candles, the 1 and 2 seeds of the Rocky Dennis Bracket. John Hughes will get a Final Four representative after all! This is the toughest match of the Elite Eight, next to Fletch and Airplane!. Both Vacation and Sixteen Candles are perfect movies. Nothing could improve them. Vacation absolutely nails the typical lifestyle of an 80s suburban family, and Sixteen Candles absolutely nails 80s teen life in high school. So, which is the better 80s comedy? It is very tough to call, but Sixteen Candles has a slight edge on Vacation. But boy do you need a microscope to see that edge. Sixteen Candles has more charm and is a bit more multi-dimensional than Vacation. Sixteen Candles is a better "feel-good" movie too. Vacation is easily one of the best movies of the decade, or any decade, but Sixteen Candles marches on to the Final Four.

That completes the Elite Eight. Better Off Dead, Airplane!, Caddyshack, and Sixteen Candles are in the Final Four! Check the bracket to the right for a recap of the entire Smack-Off, and visit The Snout Bag soon to see how the Final Four breaks down. We're getting very close to discovering the best 80s comedy movie...

80s Movie Smack-Off (Part 7: Sweet Sixteen)

It's time for round 3 of the 80s Movie Smack-Off: the Sweet Sixteen! See parts 1-6 in previous posts for details on rounds 1 and 2. We'll complete all of round 3 here. The winners of round 3 go to the Elite Eight. Let's review the remaining movies and their respective match ups and seeds:

Bracket 1 (Haim/Feldman Bracket)

1. Revenge of the Nerds
5. Better Off Dead

6. Police Academy
2. The Money Pit

Bracket 2 (Gag Me with a Spoon Bracket)

1. Fletch
13. Summer School

3. Airplane!
2. The Naked Gun

Bracket 3 (B. A. Baracus Bracket)

1. Caddyshack
13. Amazon Women on the Moon

14. Bachelor Party
2. Weird Science

Bracket 4 (Rocky Dennis Bracket)

1. National Lampoon's Vacation
5. Raising Arizona

3. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
2. Sixteen Candles

Round 3 Results: Haim/Feldman Bracket

The first match in the Sweet Sixteen is between Revenge of the Nerds and Better Off Dead. It's obvious how far we are into the tournament, because each of these movies is quintessential 80s. Each are similar in that they are really silly and pure comedies. Some may consider it an upset, but Better Off Dead gets the squeaker win here. Why? Because it just has a few more weapons in its arsenal (but only a few!). Think about when Lane Myers is forced to date Joanne Greenwald (Rima Delane), his Dad's business partner's daughter. That date goes well. Or how about the Asian dude who talks like Howard Cosell? The cartoon segments in Better Off Dead are great too. Nerds is completely awesome and may have gone further in the Smack-Off if it were in a different bracket, but Better Off Dead simply has too much. Better Off Dead wins, 58-56.

The match between 6 seed Police Academy and 2 seed The Money Pit isn't nearly as close as the previous one. And, the result is not as the seeding would imply: this match is an upset. The Money Pit is not nearly as great as Police Academy. Police Academy has more 80s style shenanigans, and represents more of what one would expect from an 80s comedy. How about Larvell Jones, the Black dude who can make all the sound effects with his voice. Classic. Or George Martin, the Latin playboy who fakes his smarmy accent to get chicks. Yes, Police Academy is fantastic. It was so good it spawned about 100 sequels, none of which are as good but funny in their own ways (Lt. Mouser in Police Academy 2 is awesome). The Money Pit is very good, just not good enough. Police Academy to the Elite Eight.

Round 3 Results: B. A. Baracus Bracket

The first match of this bracket is between 80s favorite Fletch and Summer School. Summer School, a 13 seed, shockingly blazed into the Sweet Sixteen. The dance is over for it though, because while it deserves to come this far, it just can't compete with Fletch. Fletch is too polished, and better in almost all aspects. Fletch is Chevy Chase's tour de force, and has so many memorable lines. Summer School has nothing to feel bad about - it is one of the best little gems of the 80s . But, it doesn't have what it takes to be considered the best 80s comedy. Fletch beats Summer School, 74-68.

The next match is between 3 seed Airplane! and 2 seed The Naked Gun. Yikes. How can one of these movies go down? This is easily one of the closest matches in the entire Smack-Off. Each features Leslie Nielson, and each is great from start to finish. Both these movies are very similar in their brand of humor - both extremely silly and ridiculous. Airplane! gets the final shot off with a second on the clock...the ball hits the rim...rattles around...and drops through the bucket! Airplane! wins here by 2 points, and narrowly escapes to round 4. It's sad to see The Naked Gun fall here, but Airplane! wins because of its unreal cast. There are more funny actors in Airplane!, and it accomplishes just a bit more of what The Naked Gun attempted to do.

Round 3 Results: Gag Me with a Spoon Bracket

This match is between #1 Caddyshack and upstart sleeper #13 Amazon Women on the Moon. Amazon Women crushed its previous opponents and surprised the field by making the Sweet Sixteen. It really is an awesome movie. If you like stupid humor, it is for you. Caddyshack is pretty much the same though. It has plenty of stupid funny moments. This is a tough match to call. However, Caddyshack pulls through and secures the win. Amazon Women is fantastic, but Caddyshack just features to many all-stars (Ted Knight, Rodney Dangerfield, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray). Everyone knows lines from Caddyshack, and its popularity is well deserved. Caddyshack to round 4.

14 seed Bachelor Party and 2 seed Weird Science round out bracket 3. These are both great movies and offer a compelling match. They are a bit different, with Bachelor Party perhaps appealing to just a slightly older demographic than Weird Science. Weird Science gets the win here though, as it is much more original, zany, and overall funnier. Bachelor Party has great moments, but the plot gets a bit stale. Weird Science is another John Hughes favorite and really represents the era perfectly. Anthony Michael Hall is awesome, and Kelly LeBrock does a decent job too. You just have to love her accent - it made her that much hotter ("I'm taking Gary to a pah-tee"). Weird Science is great...it moves on to the Elite Eight.

Round 3 Results: Rocky Dennis Bracket

The first match of the Rocky Dennis Bracket is between 1 seed Vacation and 5 seed Raising Arizona. Sheesh. This is a close one. Vacation represents yet another of John Hughes' seemingly endless examples of 80s comedy gold; Raising Arizona is a masterpiece as was discussed in previous rounds. It was decreed that the only way Raising Arizona could lose the Smack-Off was if it ran into a movie that was as funny and more indicative of the era. Unfortunately, Vacation is just that movie. Yes, Vacation gets the win here, in triple overtime, because it is as funny, and definitely represents the pinnacle of 80s comedy. If the tournament was a Smack-Off to determine masterpiece cinema, Raising Arizona would bury Vacation. But, this Smack-Off seeks the best 80s comedy, and all things considered, Vacation is just great and slightly edges out Raising Arizona.

The final match of the Sweet Sixteen is between Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Sixteen Candles (what a shock, TWO more John Hughes movies). Each are of course great, and each indicative of 80s teenage life. Sixteen Candles is a bit more realistic, as Ferris Bueller gets a bit out of control at times (Ferris singing on a parade float? And why is there a parade on a weekday in Chicago?). Sixteen Candles gets the nailbiter win here, as it is just so charming and somehow rides the fence perfectly between being a genuine romance and ridiculous side splitter. Long Duck Dong, Bryce, and Ted are too much for Ferris. Sixteen Candles just has more of what made 80s comedies great, and is perfect in every way. Sixteen Candles to round 4.

That completes the Sweet Sixteen! Better Off Dead, Police Academy, Fletch, Airplane!, Caddyshack, Weird Science, Vacation, and Sixteen Candles all move on to the Elite Eight. Check the bracket to the right for a review of the brackets as they now stand. And, check back soon for the Elite Eight match ups as we move closer and closer toward crowning the best 80s comedy movie!

80s Movie Smack-Off (Part 6)

It's time to continue the 80s Movie Smack-Off (see parts 1-5 in previous posts for details on round 1 and round 2 match ups). Brackets 1 and 2 have already completed round 2 and the winners wait in the Sweet Sixteen. We'll complete round 2 for both Bracket 3 and Bracket 4 here to see what the Sweet Sixteen will look like overall. Let's review the movies and their respective seeds for Brackets 3 and 4:

Bracket 3 (B. A. Baracus Bracket)

1. Caddyshack
8. The Princess Bride

5. Ghostbusters
13. Amazon Women on the Moon

6. The Goonies
14. Bachelor Party

7. Trading Places
2. Weird Science

Bracket 4 (Rocky Dennis Bracket)

1. National Lampoon's Vacation
8. Beverly Hills Cop

5. Raising Arizona
4. Three Amigos!

6. Zapped!
3. Ferris Bueller's Day Off

10. UHF
2. Sixteen Candles

Round 2 Results: B. A. Baracus Bracket

The first match in this bracket is between Caddyshack and The Princess Bride. This isn't a bad match up, though each appeals to a different audience (and both to me). It's likely that many who love The Princess Bride are generally disgusted by Caddyshack because it is such a slob comedy, but those people don't realize all the glory that is Caddyshack. Caddyshack is just perfect because the storyline is so stupid (this statement is NOT contradictory). The story is almost non-existent. Except for the final money match between Dr. Beeper, Judge Smails, Ty Webb, and Al Czervik, there really isn't much of a plot, and the money match was just put in to have some sort of closure. No, Caddyshack is simply carried by its murderers row cast whose interactions provide the basis for its raison d’être. Princess Bride is a nice little flick that is charming and funny (and has great characters), but Caddyshack is a behemoth. It's too 80s, it's too funny, and it's about golf. Golf is better than sword fighting. Caddyshack over Princess Bride, 64-47.

The next match is between Ghostbusters and Amazon Women on the Moon. This is a closer match than the previous one. Each of these movies is classically funny, Ghostbusters being the obvious favorite and higher seed. There is an upset on the horizon though, because the under-the-radar Amazon Women on the Moon is the tits. That's right. It...is...the...tits. Amazon shifts gears all over the place, and is as funny as ANY movie of this era. Ghostbusters is great, and it's unfortunate that it ran into Amazon Women, but it loses this match. Amazon Women on the Moon is one of the most underrated comedies ever, and it takes out Ghostbuster's eye and shows it to it. Amazon Women on the Moon wins by 7 and goes to the Sweet Sixteen.

The 6/14 match is between The Goonies and Bachelor Party. This is a very tough match to call, because each movie is so different. The Goonies is a better quality movie; it has an original story and compelling plot twists. Bachelor Party is pretty self explanatory: it's a party with a bunch of scummy drunk assholes. Each are probably equally indicative of the 80s zeitgeist, with Bachelor Party being symbolic of 80s excess and The Goonies emblematic of 80s racial stereotypes and youthful optimism. The Goonies is not as much of a comedy, even though Mouth and his buddies do crack some jokes throughout the movie. Bachelor Party gets the squeaker victory here due to staying closer to the main theme of the Smack Off - it is a pure comedy. Plus, Bachelor Party features a dude who puts his cock in a hot dog bun. 'Nuff said. Bachelor Party 54, The Goonies 51.

The next match up is between 7 seed Trading Places and 2 seed Weird Science. This has to be the closest match in this round since Better Off Dead vs. Back to School. Both Trading Places and Weird Science are completely awesome, and it will be tough to declare a winner. Trading Places is a better "movie" than Weird Science; it has a solid storyline which translates to any era. The rich vs. poor element is well done, exposing the hypocrisies of each very well. Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd are the perfect tandem, and they are at the top of their game. Weird Science epitomizes 80s teenage life: the mall, chicks, and house parties. Weird Science doesn't have nearly the sophistication as Trading Places, but it has all those intangibles that make 80s movies great. If one were to ask you, what are some of the best movies of the 80s, the chances are Weird Science would be on your tongue before Trading Places. Weird Science invokes more memories of the era, and is much more nostalgic. Weird Science also has a hotter chick (though Kristin Holby as Penelope in Trading Places is really hot as a secondary character - go back and check it out!). As tough as this match is, Weird Science gets the win by 1 in overtime, mostly because of its pure 80s characters, timeless humor, and typical "guy gets girl" theme.

Round 2 Results: Rocky Dennis Bracket

The first match in Bracket 4 is 1 seed Vacation vs. 8 seed Beverly Hills Cop. One movie for white people and one for the African Americans. Heh heh. Not exactly, but these movies are pretty different from one another. Vacation is a perfect motif of middle class life in 80s suburbia, and Beverly Hills Cop provides a venue for Eddie Murphy to be his usual 80s hilarious self. Murphy is absolutely awesome in Bev Cop, and as mentioned in the early round the younger generation probably doesn't realize how big a star he was. Vacation is a better movie overall, as the plot of Beverly Hills Cop is sort of lame. Most can identify better with Vacation (at least those who ever drove in a car with their family). Vacation gets the win here; it is just better from start to finish and doesn't suffer from the typical "OK were 110 minutes into the movie and now the laughs are over and we need to wrap up the story" issues as do many comedies (including Beverly Hills Cop). If you doubt the result of this match, I have one name for you: Cousin Eddie. Vacation wins by 9.

The next match is between Raising Arizona and Three Amigos!, two favorites of the era. Each is much sillier and light-hearted than many comedies in the Smack-Off, and each is super funny from start to finish (there is a bit of seriousness in each toward the very end, but that's OK). One might think that these movies are really close in terms of their quality, but they really aren't with careful consideration. Let's end the suspense: Raising Arizona is far superior to Three Amigos!. It just is. The dialogue and writing in Raising Arizona is masterful; Three Amigos! is just one of the many great 80s comedies. Raising Arizona is great for the reason that all Cohen brothers movies are great: its original, has an unreal script, and makes you see the world in a different way. Raising Arizona is absolutely perfect. The only way it will lose in the Smack-Off is if it runs into a movie that is as funny, is more indicative of the era, and somehow is a more significant nostalgia piece. That's a tall order, but guess what? The Smack-Off is filled with such movies, so we shall see...Raising Arizona 73, Three Amigos! 61.

The next match is between 6 seed Zapped! and 3 seed Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Scott Baio vs. Matthew Broderick. Unfortunately, this match is not nearly as compelling as the previous one. Zapped! has some great moments, which mostly appeal to guys (c'mon, how many girls really enjoy seeing shirts flying open to expose tits?). Ferris is one of the seminal 80s comedies though. It is one of John Hughes' best efforts, even considering the legion of great films he directed in the 80s. Ferris is still a part of Americana. Ben Stein's "Bueller?...Bueller?..." during roll call is entrenched in everyone's memories. No one remembers any lines from Zapped!. Regardless of memorable lines, Ferris is just a better movie from start to finish. It does get a little weird during Cameron's meltdown (I was never really sure what that was all about), and thus has some pretty dark moments. But, Ferris Bueller's Day Off represents what we all want, a perfect day away from the drudgery of our lives, and is still as fun to watch today as it was in the 80s. Ferris Bueller wraps up this game early in the second half and beats Zapped! by 25.

The last match of round 2 is between UHF and Sixteen Candles. One was very popular (Sixteen Candles), one very obscure (UHF). UHF is another of those movies that only has a cult following, and it isn't just because people haven't seen it. UHF is similar to Amazon Women on the Moon or Hollywood Shuffle, and features marginal acting with funny skits. The problem is, many people don't like that sort of thing. So, UHF is a tough sell to a general audience, but that doesn't mean it isn't great for those who appreciate it. Weird Al is funny, and Fran Drescher and Victoria Jackson are in it too. Sixteen Candles is another John Hughes masterpiece, and perhaps the most charming of all his movies. Sixteen Candles somehow rides the line between being a silly romp and a romantic drama. It does both very well, and most everyone who was a child of the 80s loves this movie. They should; it is one of the Snoutbagger's all time faves. Sixteen Candles is North Carolina; UHF is North Carolina State. Guess what that means? Yup, Sixteen Candles moves on the Sweet Sixteen.

That completes round 2! Caddyshack, Amazon Women on the Moon, Bachelor Party, Weird Science, Vacation, Raising Arizona, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and Sixteen Candles join Brackets 1 and 2 winners in the Sweet Sixteen. Check the bracket to the right to review the entire tournament standings to this point, and check back on April 5 to see how round 3 breaks down.

80s Movie Smack-Off (Part 5)

It's time for round 2 of the 80s Movie Smack-Off (see parts 1-4 in previous posts for details on round 1 match ups, and here for the current standings). We'll run through both Bracket 1 and Bracket 2 in this entry. The winners of round 2 go to the Sweet Sixteen! Here are the round 2 match ups and their corresponding seeds:

Bracket 1 (Haim/Feldman Bracket)

1. Revenge of the Nerds
9. Can't Buy Me Love

5. Better Off Dead
4. Back to School

6. Police Academy
3. Stripes

10. The 'Burbs
2. The Money Pit

Bracket 2 (Gag Me with a Spoon Bracket)

1. Fletch
9. Robocop

12. Hollywood Shuffle
13. Summer School

6. Teen Wolf
3. Airplane!

7. Spaceballs
2. The Naked Gun

Round 2 Results: Haim/Feldman Bracket

The first match of round 2 is between 1 seed Revenge of the Nerds and 9 seed Can't Buy Me Love. At this point we're going to see some great movies taking a fall, as this match will show. In addition to Nerds' strong points listed in round 1, we also should remember that Nerds featured Playboy Playmates. Oh, wait, that criterion won't do us much good because Can't Buy Me Love features Playmates too. Yep, Lisa Welch was in Nerds and Devin Devasquez was in Can't Buy Me Love. Some of you smarties might remember that Can't Buy Me Love features a young Gerardo of Rico Suave fame. He's actually pretty cool in the movie. Moving on, both these movies are great for different reasons; Nerds has more hilarious moments, Can't Buy Me Love gives hope to high school dorks everywhere. I am convinced that the strategy Ronald Miller employs to get Cindy Mancini would work in most cases. Women, more than men, use social comparisons when choosing mates; if a girl thinks that other girls think you are good looking, you'll have a fine shot at bagging her...maybe even snoutbagging her (heh heh). That's why for guys the more girls you are with the easier it is to get more girls. It's the one counter-intuitive truth dudes with no game don't understand. Now that you know how the game works, we can leave Can't Buy Me Love behind. Revenge of the Nerds gets the squeaker win here, which pains the Snoutbagger because Can't By Me Love is one of his all time favorites, but the most unbiased judgment has Nerds as the better movie. It's more 80s, it's funnier, and the Adams Atoms move on to the Sweet Sixteen.

This match up between #5 Better Off Dead and #4 Back to School must be the most difficult of all pairings in round 2. Can we just have each movie move on? We'll, they deserve to, but they can't. The winner of this match by a point in six overtimes is...(Hey, it's possible - Syracuse and UConn had six in last year's Big East tournament!)...Better Off Dead! Some of you just spit up on the computer screen, I know. I feel like a student in Professor Turguson's (Sam Kinison) history class after saying something stupid: "Well...I didn't know you wanted to get involved in the discussion Mr. helper!" How can Back to School only win one game in the Smack-Off? By meeting Better Off Dead in round 2, that's how. While Back to School is as watchable today as it was twenty five years ago, even the triple lindy isn't enough to beat Better Off Dead. There is just so much in Better Off Dead that is awesome. Charles DeMarr (Booger from Nerds) is great as the small town drug addict always looking for better doobage, and Roy Stalin (Aaron Dozier)? He's on the same level as Stan Gable from Revenge of the Nerds in terms of raw awesomeness. How about Lane Myers' boss, the Pig Burger dude? How hot was Chris Cummins (Tina Littlewood) when Lane slipped and ripped her clothes off? Back to School is great, and is probably Rodney Dangerfield's best starring role (I love how he hands out money to everyone in his movies), but Better Off Dead is the pinnacle of an 80s comedy. The remaining field should beware; beating it will be next to impossible. As painful as it is to see Back to School head back to school, Better off Dead moves on to round 3.

The next match is Police Academy vs. Stripes, two heavy hitting seminal 80s comedies. Let's consider how awesome the characters in both were. In Police Academy, George Gaynes takes time off from being Punky Brewster's dad to play Commadant Lassard, and he has "many, many, many" fine moments, including receiving a blow job while giving a speech at a podium. David Graf is awesome as Tackleberry, and Donovan Scott is great as Leslie Barber. There are more examples, but these secondary characters are hilarious. Stripes has great secondary characters too, including Conrad Dunn as Psycho and John Candy as Ox. It's a push as to who is better in the lead role, Steve Guttenburg or Bill Murray (most would probably say Murray, but I don't see a huge difference between the two in these movies). While both are solid representatives from the era, Police Academy gets the win 83-76. Police Academy's depth of characters goes deeper, and it just edges out Stripes.

Two Tom Hanks movies round out the Haim/Feldman bracket. The 'Burbs (#10) is sillier than The Money Pit (#2) and tries harder to be funny, but The Money Pit is just great because of all the shit that keeps going wrong with the house. Hanks is equally good in both. The 'Burbs has a better cast of cool characters, even considering the unreal scuminess of maestro Max Beissart (Alexander Gudunov) in The Money Pit. The creepy neighbors in The 'Burbs are classically weird, and The 'Burbs is just fun to watch. One disturbing thing about The Money Pit regards the part where Anna (Shelley Long) thinks she fucked Max when she was blacked out drunk. She didn't, Max just let her believe it was so for awhile. What always disturbed me was the fact that Anna didn't doubt that she fucked Max. Uh, yikes. That might be troublesome for me if she were my wife! Whore or no whore, Money Pit gets the edge here, because it is a higher quality movie overall. Money Pit wins by 10.

Round 2 Results: Gag Me with a Spoon Bracket

The first match in Bracket 2 is between Fletch and Robocop. This is closer than most would assume. Fletch is a much more obvious choice because it was a bit more popular and featured a star from the era. Robocop however has so many subtle moments it can't be beaten easily. How about when Clarence Boddicker (Kurtwood Smith) says "Bitches leave" when he enters Bob Morton's house? Bob exclaiming that "God I love intelligent women" while snorting coke off a chick's tits is classic too. And how about Boddiker's cast of cronies? They are priceless. Robocop is really underrated and is fantastic from start to finish. But...Fletch is Fletch. Chevy Chase asking if he can borrow Gail's (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) towel because his car just hit a water buffalo is awesome. How about Chase as Mr. Poone: "God I admire you...". Fletch is great because it works on two levels: a silly ridiculous comedy and a pretty good story as well. The story in Fletch is not distracting at all, and Chevy Chase's antics somehow mesh seamlessly. Even though Robocop makes a late run, Fletch shoots 58% from the field and secures the win in a slow-down, clock managed game, 57-53.

The next match up is between underdog 12 and 13 seeds Hollywood Shuffle and Summer School. Both are relatively low budget niche pieces, charming, and highly reflective of the era. Both are equally funny; Hollywood Shuffle is more original. There is something about Summer School that is great though. It is far better than the sum of its parts. The acting is mostly shitty, the characters are awkward at times, and the plot isn't any better than your average after school special. But, Summer School keeps me coming back again and again. It's just great how scummy Freddy Shoop is in the midst of all of it. His relationship with Vice Principal Gills (Robin Thomas) is awesome, and Summer School never runs out of steam. It is funny throughout. Hollywood Shuffle suffers the upset here while Summer School runs the weave offense throughout the game. Baffled and confused, Hollywood Shuffle loses 47-43.

Teen Wolf should enjoy its first round win, because there is no suspense here, and absolutely no upset. Airplane! is to Teen Wolf what Barney's department store is to Wal-Mart. Teen Wolf is great, and uber-indicative of 1980s pop culture, but Airplane! is simply one of the best comedies of the past 50 years. This match is a slaughter, and not much more needs to be said. Cinderella's slipper shatters and Teen Wolf loses by 54 points. Airplane! to the Sweet Sixteen.

The last match of Bracket 2 is between 7 seed Spaceballs and 2 seed The Naked Gun. This match is closer than the last by far, and each movie has many memorable scenes which aid in their defense. The characters in Spaceballs are really good, but the fact that it is a parody of another movie knocks it down a bit in terms of originality. The Naked Gun is carried by Leslie Nielson, even though Ed Hocken (George Kennedy) is great as his side kick. Ricardo Montalban (Vincent Ludwig) is fantastic to, and Priscilla Presley actually shows some comic ability (she's pretty hot too). I love the line Ed gives to Frank in the beginning of the movie concerning Frank's woman who recently left him. Frank asks Ed if he knows anything about her new boyfriend and Ed replies, "Not much - just that he's an Olympic gymnast and its the best sex she's ever had." So great. Spaceballs is very funny in the classic Mel Brooks style, but Naked Gun soars above it overall. Naked Gun is just too damn funny, and it never, ever ever ever gets old. I've seen it dozens of times and I hope to see it a dozen more. Naked Gun beats Spaceballs 63-52 and moves on to round 3.

Alright, round 2 is completed for Brackets 1 and 2. Revenge of the Nerds, Better Off Dead, Police Academy, The Money Pit, Fletch, Summer School, Airplane!, and The Naked Gun are all in the Sweet Sixteen. The competition is amping up and getting fierce. Great movies have already fallen, and more will fall next week as we run through Brackets 3 and 4 to complete round 2. Check back on March 29 to see how movies in the B.A. Baracus and Rocky Dennis brackets fare.