The most recent sign the apocalypse is upon us regards Washington Post columnist and ESPN Network's Pardon The Interruption (PTI) host Tony Kornheiser. ESPN reported today that Kornheiser has been suspended for two weeks for making comments about anchorwoman Hannah Storm's choice of on-air clothing. Storm, a colleague of Kornheiser, anchors the morning edition of SportsCenter on ESPN TV. Kornheiser was quoted saying that an outfit Storm wore was "horrifying," that it looked like "sausage casing," and that her "Catholic school plaid skirt" was "way too short for someone in her 40s and maybe 50s" (Storm is 47).
Disregarding the circular (il)logic of ESPN reporting their own employee's suspension (ESPN has more and more come to create its own news while forgetting that a sports news network should focus on events outside Bristol, Connecticut), such an act blows the door wide open for what is considered heresy in sports journalism. After all, isn't it sort of Kornheiser's job to essentially say compelling and controversial things (he is not an anchor; he's a columnist)? Additionally, any regular watcher of PTI has heard him utter far worse about the physical appearance of various athletes. He usually does so while juxtaposing the comment with a self-defacing dig at himself; such banter is part of his unique wit and wisdom.
Concerning the suspension, last I checked defamatory speech against another is only slander if it is false. It makes more sense to suspend Kornheiser for getting his facts wrong: the thigh high boots and cellophane tube tops Storm usually wears are bad taste for anyone older than 21, let alone someone on the wrong side of 40. Maybe the ugly truth hits ESPN a little too close to home. They know that most of her outfits require two hairdos.
While some may be baffled as to why ESPN took such action, it isn't unheard of in this day in age to censor sports journalists. In 2003 the Boston Globe suspended veteran columnist Bob Ryan for a month without pay for saying that NBA point guard Jason Kidd's wife needed someone to "smack her." While I disliked Ryan's suspension too (not for the injustice of the punishment but because I missed his brilliant commentary), at least Ryan's comments were clearly inappropriate. But back to Kornheiser: who exactly is ESPN kow-towing to by suspending him? What ramifications would come from ignoring this alleged misdeed? After all, who are they really punishing other than themselves? Can you imagine FOX suspending Simon Cowell for similar comments on American Idol? I guess ESPN thinks SportsCenter is on the same level as National Public Radio. How ironic on a network that broadcasts shows like SportsNation, Timbersports, and the Bassmaster Classic.
Maybe ESPN should change the lenses on their studio cameras; the focus seems fuzzy regarding who should wear the Scarlet E. After all, they have plenty of ex-athletes on their payroll with pasts so checkered they make Kornheiser's comments toward Storm seem like a marriage proposal (e.g. Michael Irvin). Maybe new lenses would also help them see how silly Storm looks over-dramatically swooshing her hair from side to side and slinking around the studio in garb most strippers would find risque. At times the viewer isn't sure if she is reporting the news or getting ready to give co-anchor Josh Elliott a lap dance.
This new morality ESPN seems to be exhibiting exposes a serious problem. ESPN simply cannot be everything it wants to be. It can't purport to offer candid and objective commentary on its right hand while censoring it with its left. Why has ESPN become such a ninny? Nine letters: NFL, NBA, MLB. The network has huge contracts with each organization regarding broadcast rights, creating a conflict of interest regarding open and honest criticism toward these leagues (and other things) from its on-air talent. The owners and commissioners of these businesses do not like to be called out or questioned, and ESPN wants to control its employees so as not to embarrass their constituents. So, they nip things in the bud and strive to maintain a squeaky clean image. You might not see a direct connection between Kornheiser's punishment being publicized and ESPN sharing a bed with the major sports entities, but one is embedded in the other. Kornheiser's sanction is the result of ESPN's new paranoia regarding any sort of behavior not towing the company line.
Anyway, the pain of losing Tony for half a month on PTI is eased thanks to Dan Lebatard (Miami Herald) and the litany of other talented hosts who will sit in his absence. Nevertheless, what a stupid world it is that puts an all-star like Kornheiser on the 15 day DL while a mediocre journeyman (Storm) starts at center field. Way to work it through ESPN: political correctness 1, sense and reason 0.
