The quality of one's dog seems to vary according to the type of neighborhood one lives in. The loudest and foulest hell hounds seem to live in the shittiest neighborhoods. The Snoutbagger used to live in a classy suburb; since the recession it now looks like a Calcutta hovel. Anyway, concerning this notion, the Snoutbagger offers this hypothesis:
Hypothesis 1: The worse one's neighborhood, the louder the dogs that live there.
The Snoutbagger also notices that large dogs (Rottweilers, German Shepards, Doberman Pincers) tend to belong to insecure people. Much like guys who raise their pick-ups to compensate for a small cock, the size of one's dog is a reflection of one's self confidence. Considering this, the Snoutbagger offers a second hypothesis:
Hypothesis 2: The smaller a man's dick, the larger their dog.
It is also evident that dog owners seem to be unaware that others have problems with their dogs; they certainly aren't concerned with their barking. Everyone knows that dude who lets his pit bull run up to you, saying "don't worry...he just wants to play," only to witness the dog lunge and snap at your crotch. Regarding this, the Snoutbagger offers a final hypothesis:
Hypothesis 3: The more dogs one has, the less socially aware they are.
The Snoutbagger really wants to know what to do regarding these problems. I guess we can't eliminate all canines, but does he need to get one of those crazy high pitched whistles or something? A pellet gun? Call Ace Ventura? What is he afforded within the bounds of the law? He wants to jump the fence and bite its snout off (ironic, huh?). As with all difficult dilemmas, this one cannot be solved here. In the meantime, pray for the Snoutbagger, so that the dog next door doesn't become prey for the Snoutbagger.
